A man is in the car with his wife...

...when she says to him, "Honey, I just can't stand you're awful wordplay."
"But it's habit dear," he says, "how would you expect me to stop?"
"Whatever means necessary," his wife says.
"No it doesn't," the man replies!

A man goes to the doctor...

...with a banana in his ear, a carrot in one nostril, and a grape in the other, and tells the doctor, "I'm not feeling well."
The doctor takes one look at him and replies, "Well clearly you're not eating right."